Hurt
by Deatheater Amelia
Summary: Sirius' betrayal costs more than he knows. Consumed by revenge James falls into a darkness absolute. JP/VOL. LE/SB Slash in later chapters.
1. Silly

I stared up at the brick house in front of me, a grin itching across my face. Silly. It had been silly of them to think I wouldn't find them. To think they could hide behind that old fool forever. To even imagine that they could escape me: Lord Voldemort.

Little did they know, their dear friend Peter Pettigrew disclosed their location to me mere minutes earlier. I could imagine them sitting comfortably inside unaware that the most powerful wizard of all time was right outside their door. I thought of replaying my little dictator monologue, my Hitler speech then thought better of it. The timing had to be perfect; why waste such a good piece of work on a mudblood and blood traitor?

Still, an overwhelming wave of pure satisfaction washed over me as I pictured the fun I was about to have. I was one more step closer to the power I wanted. After I got this little "errand" out of the way there'd be no stopping me (unless of course you counted Dumbledore, but why bother. For Christ's sake he was like a hundred.) There were two baby boys who fit the prophecy, one of which I disposed of days ago. As I suspected, Dumbledore had tried to hide both and so far he was failing horribly. 'One down, one to go' as the Yanks say. Alas, the Longbottom's had been far too easy to break. One little Cruciatus curse and their minds melted away like the first cube of sugar into fresh hot coffee. They spent there last moments rambling on about random nonsense, completely oblivious to their wounds, and the fact that their son was about to be murdered. In the end, I killed them just to stop the noise. It had been truly: Boring….

My hand grazed the doorknob as I caught my reflection in the window, my fair skin a pale moon in the darkness. My black hair shone richly, the few waves still in place and I smirked at myself. "Honestly, Tom, sometimes I think you're obsessed with me." I unlocked the door with a quick spell (too easy.) and crept inside.

The sitting room was empty; the smell of hot chocolate invaded my nostrils. I felt like gagging. For a second a pictured Albus cozy and content, a pair of adult sized footsy pajamas on. This time I did gag, my contracting involuntarily against the image. A fire burned in the heart, the flames licking the last bits of wood. They must have been upstairs. I moved swiftly through the small living room, my wand at the ready. I was surprised I hadn't encountered anyone yet. Surely they'd noticed my presence by now?

A woman's laugh echoed through the house and I realized they were upstairs and obviously complete unaware of my entry. It was stupid. Almost too stupid to be real; it had to be a trick. Neither really mattered to me, they'd die just the same. I climbed the stairs, my heart in an endorphin pushed frenzy. It felt as if my mind was racing a mile a minute. Not of fear, or nervousness, but sheer anticipation.

I crept softly upwards, my finger grazing the banister. It was still warm. They couldn't have been up here long. I reached the top and the laughed filled the hall once more. It was joyful and carefree and dripping with betrayal as it led me right to her. I stopped outside the door, her door, peaking in through the small crack.

I just stood there for a moment watching as the women placed her baby in the crib. Her name, as I'd been told, was Lily and as her red tresses fell past her shoulders I couldn't help but regret what a waste it would be to kill her. Not a big waste mind you, I just don't usually see such beautiful red heads. Personally, I favor brunettes. She was attractive at most. She was a tad too thin, her jeans hugged her toothpick thighs but above her waist she hid a utopia. Her breasts were large, untouchably soft mounds under her blue shirt and once again I pitied what a waste she was. She could be really cute if she wasn't a dirty mudblood.

The hair rose on my neck as the voice, I tried so hard to shut out, came back full force. It taunted me from the back of my mind. _But you're a half-blood Tom. Your father was a worthless mudblood just like her._ My grip tightened on the doorknob. I was, wasn't I? Because of my father: The filthy piece of bile that cowered at my feet as I pressed the tip of my wand to his forehead. I'd only met him once but it told me everything I needing to know and all I'd ever bothered to ponder about my beginning. The bloody coward left my poor mother to die. He never bothered to know me. And when I murmured the last words he'd ever hear with mortal ears, he hadn't even realized he was looking into the eyes of his son.

I bit my lip and pushed the thoughts away. Lord Voldemort didn't regret and was never woeful. The sadness crushed my spirit and at times, when I was alone and all my Deatheaters were asleep in their beds, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was a child pretending. That cold….the silence…

Suddenly this was the last thing I wanted to think about. I didn't much feel like pondering the works of fate or finding my way through the web tangles of my deep self conscious (if such a place existed outside my dreams). Right now, I wanted very much to kill the mudblood and spawn and call it a night. Perhaps I'd grab some firewhiskey before going to sleep.

The baby cooed (or whatever you call that insistent babbling) and my mind snapped back to the task at hand. This woman or more correctly, this whelp she made was a threat to me. He would likely to be my undoing. I pushed the door, the wood warm under my cold fingertips, my heart ready to explode. The door creaked open and she turned. It was like slow motion. Her hair whipped around her pale face and her green eyes widened in shock. Priceless.

Strange that everyone makes that same face. I mean, I get it. When most people see me the first thought probably isn't the most coherent. If I was a normal person and I saw the Most feared Dark Wizard of all time my first thought would probably be "oh shit" as well. But seriously everyone makes the same expression. The wide eyes, the inch or two of open mouth it's all the same. The Longbottoms, That idiot waiter the other day. What she did next shocked me. A small gasp of shock escaped her and she turned and started to run for the door in the corner of the room. The baby laughed (probably thinking this was a game) as his mother tried to leave him, he stood up, his hands clutching the bars. Gryffindor, indeed.

Her hand was inches from the door and all I could see was my father. My weak muggle father leaving my mother bruised, crumpled and sick in the dark corner as I slept in her womb. Suddenly I felt sick.

"Crucio!" I bellowed. She fell to the floor, writhing hysterically in pain. My laughter boomed, louder than I ever imagined and the infant laughed. Perhaps he really did think we were playing and at any moment she would jump up and yell "Gotcha.", but I knew better. I concentrated harder and she screamed in agony. My stomach fluttered with pleasure. Yeah that's what I wanted.

"Louder," I said.

"Fuck….you," she managed, through clenched teeth. I couldn't help but smile. It seemed a little late for heroics. Where was this Gryffindor courage a moment ago? I hit her with another jolt of the spell and another blood curdling scream escaped her; Music to my ears.

"Lily?!"

I'd almost forgotten about the blood traitor. I heard his footsteps and lifted the curse just as blood began to drip from her ears in quickening tiny rivers, bubbles of air sprinkled amongst the red. She lay there shuddering on all fours. "James!" She struggled to pull herself up but I threw a small jolt at her and she fell once more, sobbing into the carpet.

"Lily!" The man, James, burst in the room, his wand drawn. A second later it flew from his grip into my hands. "Well, how nice to meet you…James," He seemed to flinch as his name slid from my mouth. He was a tall man, about the same height as me. He was the perfect specimen of pureblood beauty. He had perfect hazels eyes that contrast beautifully with his pale skin, freckle-less unlike his female companion. To call him attractive would be a horrible injustice (apart from all the murders and whatnot.) And to top it all off, he had a mop of unruly black hair that nearly touched his shoulders. Yes, he was beautiful and I couldn't help but wonder what he was doing with such mudblood trash.

He stood there staring at me, his bottom lip quivering. "Well are you going to say 'hello'? Surely a pure blood wizard like you would have more manners. I feel very unwelcome. Your _wife_ has been quite rude"

"Lord V-Voldemort," he choked.

"Yes. Pleasantries aside, let's get right down to business," I said airily. I was going to have fun watching them fall apart. "As I'm sure you know there is a prophecy about a child born to overthrow my _rule_. I've checked, as I'm sure Saint Dumbledore has and there are only two infants that fit."

"Two?" Lily choked. That was a surprise. I hadn't realized she was conscious, again. She was on all fours again, her red locks cloaking her face. Spots of blood littered her hands in small dots.

"Two," I repeated, chuckling at their stupidity. "Surely you knew of the other." Their silence said otherwise. I couldn't believe it. "Neville Longbottom. I killed his entire family two days ago. Surely you weren't foolish enough to think that was a random killing…..oh wait. Dumbledore didn't tell you, did he?"

Lily began to sob in the corner. James, however, just stared at me. I'd expected him to give me some stupid line about how he wasn't afraid to die and how Daddy Dumbledore would get me but he was silent. He just stood there looking at me with those hazel eyes. I shuddered. It was like seeing God. I looked into those eyes and saw no fear, no sadness, just a burning black hole of rage; A long never-ending well where the darkness is eternal and where the only sense is the stink of rotting flesh.

I cleared my throat, recovering quickly. "I must confess, I'm surprised at you James. You stand here as if you're talking with an old friend while your wife wallows in self pity, in her own filthy tears." His eyes flickered to his wife and I continued with a grin. "Your dear sweet loving wife tried to run when she saw me and you stand here calm as ever, when I'm prepared to kill the very same infant she left to die…"

"No! James… don't listen, he's lying."

"Shut up! Shut up you stupid cunt…," James whispered. "Just shut up."

**A/N: left you a little cliffhanger there. Sorry. There so much to reveal I didn't wanna make it too long.**


	2. I loved him

**A/N: thanks for the reviews. I'm glad you like it. Well here's the next chapter. I'll try to keep updating regularly. Enjoy**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I just make him do dirty things.**

Sirius Black gulped down another generous helping of firewhiskey, wincing as it hit his throat. He shook back his shaggy black hair, while secretly peering at the other people in the bar. There was the same couple in the back, two old wizards in front and the bartender. And if and when that number changed he'd be the first to know.

_Merlin I'm paranoid_.

As if he didn't know this already. "Another," he almost whispered as the barman passed him. Surprisingly he heard him and a second later came back with a glass of firewhiskey. He took a sip, this time letting it wash over his tongue. The burn was instant but oddly soothing. It wasn't much for taste, this stuff. Like hot piss really, but it got him away from his thoughts.

He glanced down at the picture of Lily in his hand, his thumb held firmly over James. It was an older picture, she was wearing maternity clothes. Her belly looked like a little pink quaffle under her shirt and he felt his mouth go dry. She really was beautiful, but she was gorgeous pregnant. She had a glow to her; her skin though pale glowed. Not that Sirius was one of the assholes that thought women should stay pregnant instead of having careers and learning. No, it wasn't like that. It's just she looked so heavenly carrying a child. A child he could picture fully in his mind even before she delivered. A child he was already sure he knew forward and back like his own palm. His child…

He gulped down the rest of the glass, the liquid spilling from the sides of his mouth. He wiped it away with his sleeve. He'd have to leave soon. He glanced around the bar once more. The same couple, the old folks and the barman. Everyone accounted for. He wasn't sure where he'd go. Maybe Ireland. No not that far, he just need to get lost, to disappear. Perhaps he'd practice a glamour. He hadn't used one since 5th year at Hogwarts but he could give it a try. If he could make up a whole other identity maybe he'd be able to stay in London. He'd have to be careful. He didn't want to be away from Lily, but still he knew too much and if they caught him it wouldn't only hurt her. He could only hope that Peter stayed safe. He didn't mean anything to the Deatheaters. They probably wouldn't even bother with capturing him. As far as they knew, he didn't know anything important. It was Sirius they'd want. He was a Blood traitor, the only member of his family to be sorted into Gryffindor. The wanted him and if he didn't move soon they'd find him.

The entrance bell chimed. Sirius had barely begun to glance at the door when her laughter rang through the shop and he hopped down, ducking his head below the bar. It was Bellatrix. He heard footsteps, too many to be one person. Quietly but as quickly as he could he crawled backward toward the bathroom in the back, sparing a glance at the couple in the back. They were so busy snogging he doubted they noticed the Deatheaters in the front, let alone some weird guys crawling on the floor. "Oy! Give us a drink will you?" Bella cackled loudly. Sirius shuffled faster, his heart racing.

"I know who you are," the barman replied shakily.

"Good, then you know that this will all be free of charge. What are you looking at, you old fool?" She must have been talking to the two old men in front. They must have shook their heads, because she said nothing more to them. Finally after an eternity of crawling his feet hit the back door and he slid inside. He closed the door quietly, as sweat dripped from his forehead, his body shook in small spasms. _That_ was close. Shit. He glanced backwards searching for a window anything. Of course there was none.

Okay, maybe apparition. He tried to turn on the spot, and nothing happened. He did it again and again. All he accomplished was to walk in a circle. Shit, shit, shit. "What is that smell? You haven't been hanging around any mudbloods have you?" Laughter erupted, through the room. It must have been at least three deatheaters in the bar, but they sounded far away. They must still be talking to the old men. Sirius took out his wand. He had no chance of beating them. They'd use killing curses the moment they saw him. He couldn't hope to dodge all of them.

I had no choice. I'd have to use a glamour. Hopefully they'd believe it; if they didn't at least it would buy him a second or two. He pointed his wand to his face; it felt so strange, pointing it at himself... Slowly he began murmuring the spells and he watched as his face became older and his black hair grew longer, and streaked with grey. It wasn't as exact as polyjuice potion, every now and again he'd guess on something. But when he was done, he found himself looking at his father in the mirror.

"How about you two?" A man's voice this time. They'd made it to the couple now. He heard the man sniff the air. "Doesn't smell like it." Bella shrieked with insane laughter. His heart was beating a mile a minute. He turned around checking his appearance. He smiled and Orion Black smiled back at him.

"Pettigrew check the bathroom!! We wouldn't want any filth left inside." Bellatrix cackled. Black stopped. His head turned to the doorway. Pettigrew…surely they didn't mean Peter Pettigrew. He didn't have time to think about it though because at that moment the doorknob turned. He quickly stowed his wand just as the door opened and he turned face to face with Peter Pettigrew.

Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

"James……please." Lily cried! The rest was lost as she fell into a heap on the floor. Her face was red and wet with tears. She sniveled all over herself, her face on the carpet. In all reality I was disgusted. I looked a James. He just stood there staring pitifully at his wife; His hazel eyes shone with tears.

"You fucking….you……..how could you?" he chocked. He held a hand up a Lily began to babble again. She was silent. "Does he know?" he asked. This confused me a bit. Did I know what? Was I missing something? Don't tell me I'm at the wrong house…..damn Pettigrew!

"Do I know what?" I asked softly, trying to keep control of the situation. He said nothing, he just stared at her. It was starting to piss me off. "Do I know what?!" I yelled, pointing my wand between his eyes. Lily flinched but James still said nothing.

Seconds passed and still no one spoke. I found myself becoming angrier all the while. I thought about just killing him, but I was entranced about this bit of information that was so important now. What could possibly make him so unafraid?

"Does Sirius know he's Harry's father?" he whispered. A tear slid down his cheek. He fell down his lips and dropped off his chin. _Sirius?_ As in Regulus' brother? Well now, this was this was getting interesting. I'd have never thought the little blood traitor had it in him.

"Sirius? What are you talking about?" Her eyes darted from him to me and back again. Her eyes were bloodshot but I could still see the truth. Of course I already knew she was lying but the shock in her eyes was obvious to everyone.

"You …dumb bitch." he choked, his hazel eyes on the ground. "Did you think I didn't know? All this time you've been fucking my best friend."

"James, now is not the time for this" she said flatly. The tears were dry on her face and she glared at him, a frown on her face. It was surprising; a moment ago she'd been crying.

"Actually…this is the best time." I said, smoothly. "You see, now I know that James is indeed not the father of the spoiled whelp. He is no longer my problem, unless of course he chooses to be." I turned to him. He shook his head slowly, his eyes still glued to the floor.

"I never loved you…" she whispered, still on the floor. She rose her head shakily, her eyes full of anger. "You chased me around, begging me to love you. Always following me, harassing me. What did you expect? That I would just magically fall in love with you, a big headed, rude little seeker. A seeker… I'd have been better with Severus."

"How dare you mention-" he yelled, but she cut him off.

"I'll mention whatever I want you piece of shit. You're the reason this happened! I love him! Not you-"

And James did the unthinkable. Almost as if he'd forgotten I was in the room, he jumped over the gap between them. I raised my wand in defense, but there was no reason. The moment he landed he was on her, his face red hot with anger. I raised an eyebrow. Well this was something different. His hands closed around his neck and he began to shake her.

"You fucking slut, I trusted…you!!"

Lily couldn't say a word. Her mouth moved of course but he was squeezing so hard nothing came out. I grinned as her face turned blue. I thought briefly of stopping him but then again it was less work for me so I ignored it. His black hair shadowed his eyes and for a moment he looked so angelic crouched over his dying 'wife'. Her last few breaths escaped in low guttural moans. After a few moments her face turned purple and I knew she was close. I spotted a rocking chair in the corner and sat down. Strangulation could take a while…..

Finally she stopped moving, her forehead blue and sweaty. James stayed there in that position for what seemed like an eternity, his hands still wrapped around her neck. After about five minutes he got up, letting her head drop to the floor with a heavy clunk! He turned around and bowed to a knee. "My lord."

"I suppose you want me to let you go now??" I said lazily. "And what am I to do when word gets around that I let you go. People would get the wrong idea. Lives would be lost."

"None that won't deserve it." He whispered.

"Feeling a little hurt, I see. Perhaps Dumby can give you some happy juice."

"No. No more bullshit, no more lies. I want to join you.."

I chuckled. "I've no room for bleeding hearts in my ranks."

"I have no heart. Let me join you. Let me kill Sirius Black."


End file.
